The Time Legolas Went Mad
by Legolas89
Summary: Lord of the Rings


"We will be on the highest ridge looking out into Mordor in about a fortnight," said Boromir. "What! We're practically there," exclaimed Legolas. "Oh. Sorry. I used the wrong English term. What I meant was, before the dusk sets upon us." "Well that's better you freaking moron" screamed Legolas who was no more than three inches away from Boromir's face. Legolas then ran ahead "Wonder what he is in such a hurry for," said Sam. "Elves are strange folk," said Gimli. "Never have quite trusted them myself." "Surly your opinion on Elves has changed since Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn hospitality back in Lorien about a fortnight ago," said Boromir. "Boromir, if you can't use old English phrases correctly don't use them at all! What you meant was many moons ago. "Once again Aragorn you are right. But as I have said before, Gondor has no king, Gondor needs no king. "I hate you Boromir," said Aragorn. "I hate you!" yelled Boromir. "I challenge you to a battle. Man to man," said Boromir. "I accept," said Aragorn. After about 30 seconds of sword clashing Aragorn cut off his arm. "Yes! I am victorious. O Lord please forgive me for be-limbing Boromir. "Watch out Aragorn!" exclaimed Sam. "Boromir! The fight is mine. Surrender. "What do you mean!" "Look! Your arm's off." "Its just a flesh wound." After about 10 more seconds of sword clashing Boromir's other arm fell to the ground with a sickening thud. "There. You can no longer wield a sword," said Aragorn. Boromir now starts kicking at Aragorn. "I am invincible!" cried Boromir. "I'll have your legs!" said Aragorn! In one swift motion Aragorn chopped both of Boromir's legs off. "Alright then, we'll call it a draw," said Boromir has the rest of the company walked away. About fifteen minutes later they caught up with Legolas at the top of the ridge. Legolas seemed to be scanning the country to the south. "What might you be doing there Mr. Legolas, if you don't mind me asking?" asked Sam. "Looking for Sauron," replied Legolas "Oh," said Sam with a look of confusion on his face. "Ah-ha," cried Legolas as he pulled out his briefcase. Legolas calmly opened his case and started screwing together some pieces of metal. "What might you be doing Legolas?" asked Aragorn. "I am piecing together an ancient Elven weapon. The sniper's rifle with a five foot barrel, .1000 calibur bullet and a 1000000000000000x scope," replied Legolas as he laid down upon the dirt. "Oh," replied Aragorn who had absolutely no clue what Legolas was talking about. After a minute of intense silence there was a loud crack. "Well, Sauron dead. The war of the ring is over. "Hurray! Legolas killed Sauron!" "Hurray! Hurray!  
  
"But now you shall all die! MWHAHAHAHA!" yelled Legolas as he slaughtered Frodo and Sam. Before he had time to respond Aragorn felt a pain in his chest. Aragorn started screaming about his chest and how it was falling apart. For Legolas had slipped a heart attack pill into Aragorn's water. " "The ancient Elven mixtures prevail again," yelled Legolas as he slipped on the ring he stole from Frodo and plunged into darkness...  
  
"May the rats eat your eyes! The darkness comes!" screamed Legolas as he was sleeping. When he was awakened he found himself in a small village. When he tried to move he found that his arms and legs were lashed down to the ground with ropes. Legolas had a strange feeling inside of him. He could not interpret the feeling but it felt as if something has been taken away from him. And then suddenly, just as Legolas knew what was missing he started shaking. His hands vibrated uncontrollably. As he screamed three Elves rushed into the room to see what the matter was. "You are going through withdraw," said one Elf. "It is to be expected after you have had the ring for so long. You have had it for nearly seven centuries!" "You are going to go on trial soon so you had better rest up," said another Elf. "What!? What are the charges being held against me and who are the chargers. "You are being charged with, mass murder, torture, murder, disturbing the piece, animal abuse, child abuse, abuse of power, yelling profanities etc..." said one of the Elves. "And who are the chargers!?" screamed Legolas in a fit of rage. "Gandalf the Grey, Radagast the Brown, and Suaraman the White,"  
  
The next day five Elves came in to Legolas and dragged him off into a courtroom.  
  
After the judge had given Legolas eternity in prison Legolas started to scream.  
  
"I'll kill you Gandalf, I will kill you Radagast, and I will kill you Suaron! "Legolas stop yelling, it will only make your sentence worse," said the judge. "I'll kill you while you sleep!" screamed Legolas as he started climbing around on everything in sight. "I think he has gone mad!" exclaimed one of the Elves in the Jury  
  
"Legolas! You have just earned yourself eternity without bail!" yelled the Jury  
  
"Oh NOOOO! Please don't kind sir. I promise....it'll never ever happen again!" said Legolas.  
  
"Well....okay...but don't let it ever happen again," said the Judge.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA made you change your mind....made you change your mind....etc until Legolas has spent twenty years of his eternity in prison. 


End file.
